Halloween has long captivated imaginations, a season where the veil between the ordinary and the extraordinary thins. For many, it’s a time of costume creation, spirited celebrations, and delving into the supernatural. While children might chase candy, the true magic often lies in the immersive narratives of mythical creatures, none more enduring than vampires. This fascination extends to the critically acclaimed mockumentary series, What We Do in the Shadows, a show that has redefined vampire lore with its unique blend of humor and horror.
Based on the cult classic film of the same name, the series chronicles the nightly exploits of four ancient vampires sharing a house in modern-day Staten Island. Among this eccentric coven, Lazlo Cravensworth stands out. A former English nobleman and, perhaps more famously, a one-time adult film star, Lazlo is a character of unparalleled wit and flamboyance. His dramatic flair, questionable past, and unforgettable catchphrases make him the undeniable heart of the show. Lazlo’s disdain for the mundane and his appreciation for the finer, or at least more flamboyant, things in life often lead to hilariously chaotic situations. Just thinking about his antics brings a smile, reminding us why this show has garnered such a dedicated following.
Unlike his more reclusive vampire brethren who might prefer the somber solitude of a cemetery or a forgotten mausoleum, Lazlo and his housemates are unexpectedly grounded in a suburban existence, albeit an unconventional one. Their Staten Island residence, while iconic, may not always be their forever lair. Should the need for a change of scenery arise, particularly a move to the sunnier, yet equally mysterious, West, an extraordinary property has emerged that seems tailor-made for Lazlo and his undead companions. We’ve unearthed a residence that promises to exceed even the lofty expectations of the most discerning ancient vampire.
From Staten Island Shadows to Sunny Arizona Skies: Gilbert’s Unexpected Charm
At first glance, the address — 2263 East Appleby Road, Gilbert, Arizona — might evoke images of quintessential suburbia, a stark contrast to Lazlo’s presumed taste for grand, gothic estates or clandestine urban hideaways. However, this magnificent property transcends typical suburban expectations. Located in the vibrant and rapidly growing town of Gilbert, this home offers an intriguing blend of opulence, privacy, and unexpected charm that could very well entice even the most old-world of vampires. Gilbert, known for its family-friendly atmosphere, excellent schools, and burgeoning culinary scene, might seem an odd choice for creatures of the night, but its quiet streets and spacious properties offer a certain anonymity that a busy metropolis cannot. For immortal beings seeking a discreet yet luxurious existence, Gilbert provides an ideal backdrop.
The house itself is a testament to grandeur, boasting five spacious bedrooms, four elegantly appointed bathrooms, and an expansive floor plan spanning almost 4,400 square feet. This generous living space ensures ample room for each vampire to pursue their unique nocturnal hobbies, whether it’s Nandor’s ancient warrior training, Nadja’s ghostly musical pursuits, or Colin Robinson’s energy draining endeavors. Listed at $975,000, this property represents a significant investment, but for centuries-old beings who have accumulated vast wealth (and possibly some cursed artifacts), it’s a small price to pay for eternal comfort. Lazlo, with his refined tastes and penchant for the dramatic, would undoubtedly be enchanted by this home, seeing it not as a mere dwelling, but as a grand stage for his immortal life. This isn’t just a house; it’s a potential monument to their shared, undead existence.
Grandeur from the Grave: An Interior Tour Fit for Undead Nobility
The Enigmatic Foyer: A Welcome for the Immortal
Upon entering, visitors are greeted by a truly arresting foyer. This isn’t merely an entryway; it’s a dramatic prelude to the wonders within. The sheer scale and meticulous design immediately command attention, perhaps leaving even the most articulate speechless. The dark, sophisticated color palette and the interplay of light and shadow create an atmosphere that is both inviting and mysteriously grand, perfect for welcoming unsuspecting human guests or holding solemn vampire council meetings. The soaring ceilings and carefully chosen fixtures lend an air of timeless elegance, appealing directly to Lazlo’s aristocratic sensibilities. It’s a space that whispers tales of old-world charm, yet clearly embraces modern luxury, striking a delicate balance between the two.
The Formal Living Area: Where Old-World Charm Meets Contemporary Comfort
Proceeding from the breathtaking foyer, one discovers the formal living area—a space designed for opulent relaxation and social gatherings, even if those gatherings involve minimal human interaction. The design ethos here continues the theme of dark sophistication, with plush furnishings and tasteful decor that could easily accommodate an antique harpsichord or a collection of forgotten artifacts. Imagine Lazlo reclining here, perhaps composing a new ballad for Nadja, or pontificating on the nuances of human fashion. The room exudes an aura of quiet power, a perfect setting for the vampires to strategize their nocturnal exploits or simply unwind after a long night of… well, whatever it is ancient vampires do in their downtime.
What makes this particular property even more appealing for our fictional residents is an extraordinary offer from the seller. The current owner, in a stroke of genius, is making “the furnishings available to go with the house should the new buyer be interested.” For a group of vampires who have lived for centuries and might find modern interior decorating a tedious endeavor, this is an absolute godsend. No need to scour antique shops or consult with human designers; the house comes pre-furnished with a style that remarkably aligns with their dark aesthetic. This thoughtful inclusion saves valuable immortal time and energy, allowing them to focus on more pressing matters, like warding off vampire hunters or figuring out how to pay their electrical bill. Lazlo would surely appreciate this turnkey luxury, allowing him to immediately settle into his new, grand existence without the fuss of furnishing. This amenity truly elevates the property from a mere house to an irresistible sanctuary.
The Culinary Paradox: A Kitchen for Creatures of the Night
Now that Lazlo’s seal of approval has been implicitly granted for the living spaces, let us venture into the kitchen. Many might ponder, “But Mimi, vampires do not consume human food, so why the need for such an elaborate kitchen?” A truly astute observation! Indeed, vampires generally have no use for a conventional pantry stocked with mortal provisions. However, a modern kitchen serves multiple purposes beyond mere sustenance. For one, it’s often the social hub of any home, a place where housemates gather, discuss their nightly conquests, or simply engage in witty banter. While they may not be whipping up gourmet meals, a well-appointed kitchen maintains the illusion of normalcy, crucial for blending into suburban life. Furthermore, it offers practical space for concocting experimental potions, storing peculiar ingredients for arcane rituals, or simply chilling various… beverages.
This kitchen is a marvel of contemporary design, featuring sleek dark cabinetry, gleaming stainless steel appliances, and ample counter space that would make any human chef envious. The large central island could easily become a focal point for the vampires’ late-night strategizing, perhaps even a stage for Nadja’s impromptu musical performances with the ghost of her human lover. While the refrigerators might not hold standard groceries, they would be perfectly suited for storing… specialized components or maintaining the proper temperature for their blood reserves. The overall aesthetic—modern, clean, yet subtly dramatic—aligns perfectly with the house’s grand design. It’s a functional space that doesn’t compromise on style, making it ideal for the vampires’ unique domestic requirements and occasional human guests who might accidentally stumble into their lair.
Sanctuaries of Slumber (or Eternal Rest): The Bedrooms and Beyond
The Master Suite: Lazlo’s Private Retreat
If there’s one area of a home that truly matters to a vampire, it’s the bedroom – their sanctuary for daytime slumber and nocturnal reawakening. And in this Gilbert estate, the bedrooms promise to exceed all expectations, especially for a connoisseur of comfort and dramatics like Lazlo Cravensworth. We assure you, what awaits will not disappoint. The master suite is nothing short of spectacular, a spacious haven designed for ultimate repose. The dark color scheme prevalent throughout the house carries into this private domain, creating an ambiance of deep tranquility and gothic luxury. There’s more than enough room for a lavish four-poster bed, or perhaps a more fitting, custom-built coffin for Lazlo’s daytime rest. The expansive windows, when properly shrouded to block out the harsh Arizona sun, would provide stunning views of the moonlit landscape as our vampire awakens refreshed for another night of adventures.
The master bedroom also features exquisite detailing, from potential crown molding to sophisticated lighting fixtures that cast intriguing shadows. It’s a space where an English nobleman, even one turned porn star and vampire, could feel truly at home. The sense of opulence is palpable, inviting a deep, dreamless sleep—or at least, a highly dramatic one. The attached private bathroom is equally impressive, offering a spa-like experience that could help ease the existential dread of eternal life. Imagine a colossal, claw-footed tub perfect for a relaxing (cold) soak, or perhaps a grand shower with multiple jets for a vigorous scrub after a particularly messy feeding session.
And then there’s that intriguing chair in the corner of one of the bedrooms. One can’t help but wonder about its purpose in a vampire’s chamber. Is it for lounging while admiring one’s reflection (or lack thereof)? Perhaps a designated spot for a familiar to await commands? Or, more humorously, a place to simply contemplate the intricacies of human fashion from afar? The possibilities are as endless as a vampire’s lifespan, adding another layer of mystique to an already captivating room. The photos eloquently convey the sheer grandeur and unique appeal of these private spaces, perfectly aligning with the dramatic and luxurious needs of the undead residents.
Accommodations for the Coven: Guest Bedrooms and Baths
With five bedrooms, this estate offers ample private quarters for each of the Staten Island vampires. Nandor, the once fierce but now often bewildered warrior, could have a room reflective of his former glories, perhaps with space for his ancient weaponry or a shrine to his numerous forgotten wives. Nadja, with her fiery spirit and ghostly paramour, would find a room suitable for her expressive musical talents and dramatic pronouncements, perhaps with vibrant, albeit still dark, decor. Even Colin Robinson, the energy vampire who feeds on boredom, would appreciate a quiet, unassuming room where he could plot his draining conversations, or simply exist in a state of quiet despair, absorbing the collective ennui of the house. Each bedroom provides a personal sanctuary, ensuring harmony (or as much harmony as vampires can achieve) among the housemates.
The four bathrooms are equally impressive, offering both luxury and practicality. Beyond the master en-suite, the additional bathrooms would cater to the varying (and often peculiar) grooming rituals of the other vampires. Perhaps one could be designed with an enormous mirror for the human familiar, Guillermo, to practice his vampire-hunting moves, while another might feature a strikingly deep tub, perfect for a ceremonial bath or a place to store spare blood bags. These spaces are meticulously designed, integrating modern amenities with a refined aesthetic, reinforcing the overall impression of a home built for comfort, style, and a touch of the supernatural.
Beyond the Walls: Exterior Charm and Gilbert’s Allure
While the interiors are undeniably captivating, the exterior of 2263 East Appleby Road offers its own unique charm. The curb appeal of this Gilbert luxury home is significant, with meticulously maintained landscaping and an imposing facade that hints at the grandeur within. While direct sunlight is, of course, a major concern for our vampire friends, the property likely offers secluded areas and covered patios where they can enjoy the Arizona nights without fear of incineration. A robust perimeter and perhaps even a carefully curated, shaded garden could provide an ideal setting for nocturnal strolls or dramatic pronouncements under the desert moon. The generous lot size also provides an enhanced sense of privacy, a valuable commodity for beings who prefer to keep their true nature hidden from prying human eyes.
Gilbert, Arizona, while a modern suburb, possesses an understated allure that makes it a surprisingly fitting locale for our undead protagonists. Its quiet, well-planned communities offer a certain anonymity, allowing the vampires to blend in without drawing undue attention. The town’s proximity to larger metropolitan areas like Phoenix provides access to a vibrant (and unsuspecting) human population, ensuring a steady supply of… company. Furthermore, Arizona’s dramatic desert landscapes and rich history offer a sense of timelessness that might appeal to ancient beings. The stark beauty of the desert nights, far from the bustling chaos of Staten Island, could provide a novel and serene backdrop for their eternal lives, a place where they can escape the mundane and truly embrace their immortal existence in lavish, yet discreet, comfort.
A Timeless Investment for the Undead Elite
This magnificent residence truly embodies perfection in every detail, making it an unparalleled choice for those with an appreciation for the dramatic and the darkly luxurious. It is not merely a house; it is a meticulously crafted sanctuary that seamlessly blends modern amenities with an air of old-world grandeur. There is little doubt that Lazlo Cravensworth, along with his entire eclectic coven, could move into 2263 East Appleby Road and immediately feel at home. No extensive renovations would be required, no tedious redecorating; the house is ready to embrace its new, immortal inhabitants from day one.
The thoughtful design, the expansive living spaces, the alluring dark aesthetic, and the sheer scale of the property all contribute to an experience that is both practical and profoundly enchanting for a vampire. This home offers the perfect blend of privacy, luxury, and character, making it an ideal long-term investment for beings who measure their tenure in centuries. For fans of What We Do in the Shadows and those with a penchant for unique real estate, this Gilbert gem stands as a testament to imagination and refined taste, proving that even the undead deserve a place to call their eternal home. It’s a testament to the enduring appeal of the spooky season and the captivating power of a well-told (and well-housed) vampire tale.
To explore more captivating photos of this extraordinary Gilbert, Arizona, residence, click here.